yay yay yay for me...
peh...
no it was good, i dont do the whole birthday celebratory thing, so its largely my fault it was not a day to hugely remember...
though it will be the day i found out i failed a subject for the second time.
it makes me feel sick and truly very low about myself. i hate being a dissapointment to myself because i am such a huge self critic... but also it lets down my family and that makes me feel even more terrible. i dont seem to be doing any thing right when it comes to uni and i dont know what to do about it. i tried really hard with my television and radio subject because i knew how much my GPA had gone to shit from the last semester and i thought my pracs went really well, but i only got a 4 which is a pass, but not at all good enough for my GPA. a pass usually great for me, but when youve failed 4 subjects the past year, it aint good enough. the thing is, if i didnt have uni, what do i have? i cant do anything else, i want to finish this, it means a lot to me... why is it so difficult for me complete a fucking semester properly.
okay im going to stop writing cause release isnt doing me any good. bed time.
yay... im 20.
peh...
no it was good, i dont do the whole birthday celebratory thing, so its largely my fault it was not a day to hugely remember...
though it will be the day i found out i failed a subject for the second time.
it makes me feel sick and truly very low about myself. i hate being a dissapointment to myself because i am such a huge self critic... but also it lets down my family and that makes me feel even more terrible. i dont seem to be doing any thing right when it comes to uni and i dont know what to do about it. i tried really hard with my television and radio subject because i knew how much my GPA had gone to shit from the last semester and i thought my pracs went really well, but i only got a 4 which is a pass, but not at all good enough for my GPA. a pass usually great for me, but when youve failed 4 subjects the past year, it aint good enough. the thing is, if i didnt have uni, what do i have? i cant do anything else, i want to finish this, it means a lot to me... why is it so difficult for me complete a fucking semester properly.
okay im going to stop writing cause release isnt doing me any good. bed time.
yay... im 20.
3 comments:
Happy birthday :)
I don't do this party thing either. You know, in my opinion there's no reason to party just because I got older. What reason do you have to skip this celebration?
Come on, cut the crap. You can't disappoint yourself. Self-criticism is good if you're not overly excessive. That's exactly where you start changing things. Try to be more lenient toward yourself. People err all the time and a way to measure maturity is how they handle failure. Failure is a valuable experience that allows you to learn things you wouldn't learn otherwise. By the way, you should try optimism. I'm told it makes life easier ;)
Thanks!
Mmmm for me its not the whole getting older thing, I dont mind aging. I have always been around adults who have aged gracefully and maintain a youthful spirit, I've always had a great relationship with older people, so I dont fear the day i wake up 55 or something. I guess its more I dont give much credit to the idea of 'age', the stereotypes attached to different ages. And I dont need a huge party in honour of myself, just a few of my close friends is perfect to me.
With the whole dissapointment thing, I think I've momentarily lost the enery to pick myself up this year, its been a tough year (wah wah ill have a cry:p) but I know its up to me to make changes and I will. I just needed time to wallow. Apparently sagittarians are meant to be the most optimistic people in the zodiac... just depends I guess.
Take care.
I don't care much about aging either. It's just that most people seem to think it's a great accomplishment. That's the key. I don't think I have achieved much by getting one year older in the process. I should celebrate my mother instead...
Well, this year ain't gonna last much longer. So you could make perfect use of the time left and prepare yourself for the surely much nicer year to come. You seem to have the spirit, so don't bother with the minor setbacks in life :)
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